The Lessons of Abandoned Dreams

By Laura McCracken 6 minute read

In Italy there are many abandoned buildings. Boarded up and lonely. I past one abandoned house almost every day when I lived in Italy. One day the door blew open and inside the house, pictures still hung on the wall, furniture was still welcoming visitors even though the roof had collapsed and the only visitors were pigeons which entered through the broken attic windows. In the spring primula and daffodils dominate the yard, blooming as proudly as when the house was full of life and vibrance.

Indoor plants also bend towards their energy source: light. But, indoors the sun's rays are restricted - usually entering through a window, inside instead of nature twisting and turning them to follow the energy source, there becomes an imbalance. Left unattended leaves become weak and die on the darker side and flowers and growth cluster on the sunny side. The stagnant light unbalances the plant's equilibrium. One side prospers, while the other side fails, leaving the whole plant uneven and sickly. Underneath the soil the roots strain to support the weight of the lopsided plant. To benefit ourselves we have to balance many energy sources: mental, physical, spiritual, social and economic. We cannot just concentrate on one source, one direction, one dream.

Maybe we should look differently at the twists and turns of our dreams and the times we choose to change path as critical to our growth and health. Striving towards one dream is not best when that dream becomes detrimental to everything and everyone. We should thank the circumstances and people who have changed our direction or challenged us.

Our 'roots' are our mental health, which is not always seen on the surface. Often it remains unnoticed, unrecognized by us or others until the growth above ground fails. Our mental well-being is fundamental to our well-being. Without roots there is no plant. We need to tend to our roots making them as strong and stable as our stems. If a dream is taxing our roots, we need to reassess the dream. 

Lesson 4: Do not label abandoned dreams as "giving up".

Abandoning the tight constraints of a dream you have set for yourself is not giving up, it is growing. Dreams are made at a certain time, a certain time when circumstances and opportunities could not have been considered or foreseen. Carrying on without reassessing and continuing against adversity may appear at first look to be admirable, and sometimes it is. But remaining stubbornly blinkered to possible new dreams is foolish. Healthy growth is remaining open to possibility, open to change, open to following your source of energy in the most efficient way for you. Considering other possibilities is both self preservation and enhancing the lives of those around you.

Consider a healthy plant weathering a storm, strong in roots and with a straight stable even stem, it will out weather the plant which is leaning in one direction, the plant whose roots are straining out of the soil trying to balance the uneven weight. Remaining balanced will make healthy seeds or abundant fruit, benefitting one's self and the next generation. 

The lessons we learned with our original dreams are not wasted. They made our roots and our stems stronger. Like plants, we cannot stop the advancement of time. Our roots and stems keep growing. Our time to produce fertile seeds and fruit is running out. Balancing our lives by healthy sustainable growth is the best way. For some, sustainable growth may be the first dream they had, but for many following first dream may start to weaken our core, our roots, our balance. It is then that it is time to consider new dreams. Change is inevitable. Embrace each stage of your development and do not presume the first dream is the best or the only way.

As a military spouse I have abandoned almost all of my dreams to follow my husband and support our family. On the way I have been given many opportunities that I could not even have imagined. I have lived in four countries, four states, and made so many wonderful friends who feel like my extended family. I have managed to spend treasured moments with my children which I would never have been able to, had I followed my dream career path. This time with them is what I consider the most incredible privilege of my life and this opportunity has defined me more than any other experience I could have imagined. Many years ago my dreams were different. Changing dreams as we moved every two years is not easy but I have followed the sun as a gentle hand turning me like a good plant owner and consider my dreams: each defining and improving me one at a time.