Have you ever felt left behind- as though life might be passing you by? As though others have it much better than you ? I have been feeling that recently and wanted to change my perspective for the better. So, I opened my eyes to the world around me and found some examples I could follow. First some background.

Last year, Italy and most of the world felt left behind, unnerved and scared but there was a sense of unity. Remember the videos of Italians dancing and singing with their neighbors on balconies, banging pots for the NHS in the UK, collecting N95 masks from your garage to donate to first responders in the USA. The world was scared and suffering but engaged and united.

Moving on a year... or 15 months but who is counting? It maybe just me, but I no longer see any of the solidarity and feel only fatigue. I have become envious of others 'getting back to normal'. Envy is  not an emotion I am proud of or wish to cultivate. Life is tentatively changing for the better for many, as it should, I should feel pure joy for them.  But it is hard. Here in Italy, life changed early in 2020 - big, long, meals shared with family and friends, the kiss on each cheek when you met even a casual acquaintance, the meet for a quick espresso in the morning or a spritz in the evening, stopped over night, and have not returned.

In the US people are venturing out for Spring Break and meeting each other socially, restaurants are open, families and friends are getting together.  Meanwhile, Italy who has been so well behaved, is locked down again for Easter. Vaccines are not coming fast and the new variants are causing more cases and deaths. I never did like the color red I like it less now.

I have no reason to be envious of other's good fortune. I am safe and  healthy, as are my family. I am saddened to feel this way. I need the reset button. So here I am writing to myself;

I need to start thinking not of what I can't do, but of what I can - otherwise life will pass me by. While waiting for things to change you are merely standing still, not participating. There are challenges in life and I am not just talking about Covid-19, there are plenty more.  If we choose not to accept challenges as part of life, we will be left behind.

Life has an ebb and flow just like the ocean. The tide may at first seem to move  in sequence, but if you have ever watched the ocean for a while, you know that is not true. The tide is not a straight line moving in and out from the shore. It is a wavy line some parts of the water ebb further back into the sea, other parts don't get very far, until a wave from behind sends it hurtling back to the shore. Try to hold the ocean in one place and you are not going to win. The ocean is too powerful, just like the rhythm of life.

Firstly relax and trust your life path - the ocean waves, the pull of the moon and earth will eventually guide you back to shore. It might not be as fast as the water next to you - you may not progress as far forward but the ebb (the water's outgoing path) is a journey too. True it may sometimes feel like a regression. Like being pushed back in line but it actually can reveal objects we never dreamed of before - the tidal pools full of life left behind to delight or a drought which makes you value the rain more. In hydroponic gardening the 'ebb' and 'flow' is important to maintain nutrients and avoid flooding the plants. Too much water will drown the plant and wash out the nutrients without letting it have time to use them. The balance of the ebb and flow is critical to the plant.

Maybe like in yoga we should treat the ebb - as an 'out breath' sending away the bad feelings and pain - a time to assess our priorities, take in nutrients and the 'in breath' to breathe in new life and energy to the parts of us which need it most. Maybe we should see the ebb and flow of life as symbiotic - like in Hydroponic gardening - one aiding the other. Our periods of ebb and flow may not be in sync with other people- we are all breathing at different times to a different rhythm and that is okay. We do not start at the same place - we are all unique in our journey.  We should never judge ourselves by the perceived achievements of others. All our challenges are different, some much harsher than others but we all have challenges.

Look a good look at the photo below.

The flower in the planter on the ledge has been given the best soil, sheltered from harm and watered regularly, but still might not bloom to its full potential. This pansy seed has been dropped into the most precarious position - little soil, no watering, open to the elements but the result is an amazing amount of color and beauty. A little miracle and source of inspiration.  This little seed took its challenges head on and made them work.

There are lots of disparities in the world, poverty, racism, fear. There are lots of ways all of us to some extent can feel disadvantaged. Currently, half of the world's vaccines are going to four countries, China, India, the UK and the US. It may take some countries five years to be able to provide vaccines to their population, some may never manage alone. Many of these same countries are also suffering from the disparities mentioned above. People disadvantaged solely because of the place their 'seed' dropped. 

Can we change disparity ? Probably not.  Is the flower with all the advantages in the planter any more beautiful than the one in the pavement ? No, I actually prefer the one in the pavement, the color contrast against the grey, the unusual place to see such stunning color, makes it seem even more striking to me. It would be impossible to move it to a planter with fresh soil as  its roots are too engaged below the concrete. Busy finding whatever nutrients it can to sustain its self. Do I water it now I have noticed it - yes I do.

Can we change disparity? Well, maybe. Maybe by recognizing what you can do. Just like I now water this beauty - maybe the four nations can help others out ? Providing vaccines to other countries. It has started to some extent but only time will tell if it is enough to make a difference. World economic, cultural and social disparities are not going away fast - they have incredible challenges. 

Maybe the best way you can help right now is focusing on what you can do - despite your personal disparities with your challenges. Bloom where you are planted to the best of your ability.  Acknowledge there is an ebb and flow to life. Accept that the ebb means - breathing out - letting go to what you cannot do, sending away expectations, envy or other negative feelings outward away from you. Accepting that the flow means- breathing in and accepting where you are - recognizing your strengths and forgiving any weakness, recognizing and accepting where you are right now mentally and physically.  Look for ways to do what you can, to be the most fulfilled in your environment. I am not saying you should accept your challenges as fixed in place, resign to how things are. To the contrary I am asking you and encouraging myself, to strive to do the very best with what you have. Use the ebb and flow of life as an advantage, instead of yet another challenge.

Look around. You are not alone.  You will find lots of others doing their very best where they have landed. Accept your challenges. Let go of the expectations which restrict you. You are enough and you are doing the very best with the circumstances you have been given.